


Extra-Ordinary: My Life as Number Seven

by bennybentacles



Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Fuck Canon, Gen, I dont know how to tag, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, no beta we die like ben, now that i think of it it is kinds canon compliant, we dont deal with canon in these household, yes this is a rewrite of THE book
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:20:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26041039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bennybentacles/pseuds/bennybentacles
Summary: Dad,i fugured out, why not?V.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 42





	1. Preface

**Author's Note:**

> yes this is a rewrite of THE book but i dont actually know what the hell is in the book in canon so welp
> 
> also this is cross-posted from tumblr so thats that

my name is vanya hargreeves and this is my life story. i am number seven, ordinary little number seven. ever since we were younger, our father has never spared me a glance. growing up. i was distanced from the people i call my family. i spent my childhood in our lifeless house, surrounded by taxidermy that loomed all over our parlor. i watched at the sidelines as my brothers and my sister are lavished with adoration from thousands of people.

my father told me that i am ordinary, ever since i can remember our father did nothing but to tarnish my hope that one day i can have powers. my father never missed an opportunity to remind me that i am lower than my siblings, that i do not matter to him because i am not useful to him. i spent days crying over the fact that my father thinks so lowly about me and even to this day, my heart bleeds over the fact that my father never thought that i am worth something.

me and my siblings were never close. growing up, we never had enough time together to even bond. from seven in the morning up to six in the evening every other day my siblings are ushered away for their training while i spent my day hacking out songs in my violin.

on days that my siblings do not have their training we are required by our father to attend our lessons. those lessons are stifling, hours seemed to go by in a blink of an eye, and the air is always thick with the never ending tension between my siblings who are always fighting to one-up each other.

on nights when dinner is finished my siblings are allowed to rest while i am not allowed yet. i am required to practice more violin for two more hours before we are led by our mother to fix ourselves to bed. we always go to our fathers office, every day we stood neatly and bid our father goodnight and everyday, without fail our father will not even spare us a glance and we will sleep with our hearts heavier as days pass by

as we grow older, we quickly drifted apart. as we reached our tenth birthday, our father stopped giving us a free time, robbing us our thirty minutes of childhood. because of the fact, we stopped caring about each other. falling apart slowly, cracks appearing in our already fragile relationships. i never had the time to talk to my siblings anymore, with our schedules not even meeting once. as they ran about doing their thing on the outside world, i am enclosed in our mansion, and not knowing much about anything i am forced to make our house my whole world

when _the boy_ ran away, i truly lost connection with my siblings. _the boy_ is my only sibling who tried defying our father, blatantly ignoring schedules for me, skipping trainings so that i wouldn't feel as alone as i did. but i guess he got tired of fending after me. when he ran away, nobody ever tried talking to me at all. i didn't have anyone to talk to except our mother and our butler, pogo.

years has passed by ever since _the boy_ left when _the horror_ died. we were just seventeen when he passed away. all i remember was on the day he died my siblings are sent out for a mission of theirs and they took hours before they returned. _the séance_ was the first one who rushed into our house, with him calling for help on the top of his lungs. i remember _spaceboy_ carrying _the horror_ in his arm and _the séance_ breaking seven of our fathers vases to give way to _spaceboy_. i remember the haunting wails of _the séance_ when _the horror_ flatlined three days after the accident, his young frail body failing him. _the séance_ took _the horror's_ death the hardest, they were the closest growing up but it pained me when he told me that i never loved _the horror_. he is my brother too and _the séance_ never allowed any of us to show our grief. he even went as far as claiming that he can see _the horror_ despite the fact that ever since _the horror_ died _the séance_ was never seen sober . two weeks after _the horror's_ death, _the séance_ ran away and i felt bad at the time but thinking about it now, i am glad he ran away because we can finally grieve _the horror_ in peace.

i left home at eighteen, planning to go as far as i could from our house that trapped me in for so long. i left the state for my college studies and when i finished college i moved back to my hometown. i looked for a place far enough from my childhood house that i wouldn't see it when i look at my window. right now i live a normal life. i play at the orchestra, teach kids how to play violin and now i am trying to write my autobiography. i guess the old man is right all along, i am the ordinary little number seven after all.


	2. 00.01 : spaceboy

00.01, _spaceboy_ , my brother luther. _spaceboy_ is a very obedient child. ever since we were young, _spaceboy_ loomed over us. he was assigned by our father to guard over us even thought we are literally the same age. _spaceboy_ took advantage of the fact that he has control over us. _spaceboy_ may not know it but he is one of the main cause of the stifling air in our house

_spaceboy_ lived to please our father. he never really saw how awful and abusive our father really is. _spaceboy_ tried to mold my brothers and sister to be the same hallow chid that he was, this is the only mission that he had failed. _spaceboy_ is also a very naive child, never really wanting to learn anything other than what knowledge our father feeds him. we used to listen to records of people droning about mountains and survival tips at meal times and _spaceboy_ was really the only person who paid attention to them

_spaceboy_ never questioned our father and his ways, and there are days where i wish that he did. i guess the reason why _spaceboy_ still sees our father on rose tinted glasses is because our father was never cruel to _spaceboy_. our father gaslighted _spaceboy_ , with him never really punishing _spaceboy_ for the wrongdoings that he did. he made all of us look bad at _spaceboy's_ eyes, made _spaceboy_ think that we deserve what our father did to us. _spaceboy_ never protected us from the biggest threat , our father.

_spaceboy_ fought with almost everybody. since he was put in charge. he took every disobedience of our siblings as a sign that he is not being respected and he hated that, hated that his position as number one is being dismissed. he fought with _the kraken_ the most, with one of them or even both of them ending up in the medical wing because all their fights ended up physical and their abilities are both destructive. _spaceboy_ also hated _the sèance_ for many reasons. it is common to hear _the sèance_ and _spaceboy_ screaming at each other at the hallways of our house. _spaceboy_ always tried to set _the sèance_ straight, with _spaceboy_ repeating quotes and taunts that our own father throws at _the sèance_. _the sèance_ of course always snarls back, with him poking at _spaceboy's_ ego and his superiority complex

_spaceboy_ also fought with _the boy_ and _the horror_ for the absolute petty reasons. i think because of the fact that _the boy_ hates interacting with our siblings and _the horror_ being as shy as he is that _spaceboy_ never really had the grounds to fight them that he just fought them just because he can. the only person that _spaceboy_ never really fought with is _the rumour_. _the rumour_ is _spaceboy's_ whole world, he bends into her every whim. it is normal that _spaceboy_ went into fights with _the sèance_ because of _the rumour_ , with her asking _spaceboy_ to scold _the sèance_ for the most petty reasons. i think _spaceboy_ and _the rumour_ delved into an incestuous relationship

_spaceboy_ and _the rumour_ spent too much time together for it to be considered a siblings time together. they used to sneak out at nights, with both of them going out into the unknown. i remember seeing them one time when i had to use the bathroom at night and _the rumour_ looked at me with threats in her eyes and i know at that time that if i even think of making a sound she would rumour me into forgetting what i saw. _spaceboy_ and _the rumour_ got caught by our father one night, and from the pieces of our fathers lecture that i and my siblings had heard it seems that our father has found _the rumour_ and _spaceboy_ on our shed, having a night out in a tent. our father called it playing but i think they were on a date, with them on a tent with foods and music softly playing as their background.

_spaceboy_ has been the one to look for _the boy_ outside when he ran away and he was the one who carried _the horror_ when he got into the mishap that ended him. _spaceboy_ had to carry every sibling that got hurt and he had been the one to carry _the horror's_ coffin on his funeral. i believe because of the amount of times that _spaceboy_ had to literally carry everyones weight that it just weighed him down.

_spaceboy_ still goes into mission these days, i know this because i still see him on the news, him still wearing their academy uniform. he never grew up, still in our fathers claws, and by his own volition. _spaceboy_ , try as he might, is never really the leader that he wants to be and i don't think he will ever become one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: i still havent finished writing all of this dowm but i already have this chapter up in my tumblr so i decided fuck it and post it too
> 
> hit me up @bennybentacles in tumblr


	3. 00.02: the kraken

00.02, _the kraken_ , my brother diego. _the kraken_ is a very emotional child. when we were younger _the kraken_ always cried at the slightest inconvenience. when we first got our mother, _the kraken_ bonded with her the fastest. i remember the night that we first met her everybody was reluctant to go near her, everyone but _the kraken_. _the kraken_ must've felt that our mother was our mom, and that she wouldn't leave us so he is allowed to love her

 _the kraken_ only loved our mother and nobody else. he spent hours alone with our mother, on his free time, after dinner,on our birthdays and even clung to her at night when she bids us goodbye after kissing us goodnight. because of this fact our mother bid _the kraken_ goodnight after she has bid everyone else. i remember how _the kraken_ whined for our mother as she leaves _the kraken's_ room. he has truly loved our mother

unlike with our mother, who _the kraken_ is very gentle and affectionate with, _the kraken_ is very harsh with us. _the kraken_ always sparred with _spaceboy_ since they have the same skill sets and on the days where i am allowed to watch them, i saw how _the kraken_ sparred with _spaceboy_ with what seems like lethal intentions. now this is not shocking to any of us because _the kraken_ has already voiced out his displeasure with _spaceboy_ and his position as their leader. _the kraken_ has always wanted to be number one and i think if _spaceboy_ is a tad but weaker _the kraken_ might've killed him even when we were children 

_the kraken_ is harsh at everybody, but he is harshest to _the rumour_. i think its because _the rumour_ favoured _spaceboy_ the most or maybe it was just because he truly hated her guts. _the kraken_ is also harsh to _the boy_ , it is common for _the kraken_ to make offhand scathing comments to _the boy_ about _the boy's_ position in their number, a well planned jab on _the boy's_ ego.

when we were younger, _the kraken_ is closest to _the sèance_ , closer than _the sèance_ and _the horror_ became as years passed. it all changed when _the sèance_ started ruining his own life, after _the sèance_ started drinking _the kraken_ started attacking _the séance's_ self esteem to the point that he drove _the sèance_ away, and by extention _the horror_ too. _the kraken_ also never failed to point out my lack of power and as we grow older, his taunts started having sharp edges that cut me in many ways.

 _the kraken_ hated our father the most though. he is very vocal about his hatred to our father, claimed that if he just have the chance he will kill our father himself. maybe he hated our father the most because of how he placed _the kraken_ on the number system, placing him as number two, a mock if you ever see one. or maybe it is because of the fact that _the kraken_ was the first one to show his abilities, after he threw our father's letter opener to our father's portrait when we were three , and ever since he showed his powers our father started training him immediately thus robbing him his childhood. or maybe its just because hate is the only emotion that he knows

when _the boy_ ran away, _the kraken_ was the first one to break and start to point hands, accusing everyone but himself of driving _the boy_ away. when _the horror_ was laid on the hospital bed, withering away _the kraken_ was also the first one to blame _the sèance_ for making _the horror_ soft enough that he began to fear himself. he blamed _spaceboy_ too, for not protecting _the horror_ and he blamed our father, called him a cruel bastard for making little kids run about killing people and saving people with nothing but their guts as their protection. our father has became angry at that time and left _the kraken_ with a bruise so dark that it was still visible weeks later. 

when _the horror_ finally succumbed and let death take him, _the kraken_ has been the only one who tried to comfort _the sèance_ , and for a week he had tried to steer _the sèance_ to be clean. he only stopped trying when _the sèance_ has started claiming he can see _the horror_ , after that _the kraken_ left _the sèance_ alone. when _the sèance_ left, i remember seeing _the kraken_ wreck havoc in _the sèance_ and _the horror's_ room, with him being drunk. when we woke up to _the horror's_ statue three weeks after his death _the kraken_ has cursed our father to the ground, and i felt grateful because i know everyone is thinking the same and _the kraken_ was the only one who had the guts to speak out.

the last time i saw _the kraken_ was when we all moved out the same day, leaving _spaceboy_ behind. my last memories of him was just him looking at me with angry eyes before stomping out of the mansion and nothing more. nowadays, i know that _the kraken_ is the one causing mayhem in the city, his mark still the same through the years. _the kraken_ was molded by our father, told that he was a hero and sadly even as years passed by, he still thinks that he is one. but i don't think he was a hero, and i don't think he would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not gonna lie folks, we are fucked. i havent finished writing some of the chapters yet and i already cried myself three times
> 
> come yell at me @bennybentacles on tumblr


	4. 00.03: the rumour

  
00.03, _the rumour_ , my sister allison. _the rumour_ never had any inhibition about using her powers, ever since we were children she always manipulated everyone around her, and that included me and my siblings. _the rumour_ would use her powers to get everything she wants,never really realizing how awful she truly became throughout the years.

 _the rumour_ would use her powers for everything, from weaseling her way out of her chores to outright rumoring our father into forgetting that she messed up. _the rumour_ grew up with these powers strong enough to change the course of the world, enough to ease the abuse in our household yet she just used it to change the course of her world.

 _the rumour_ is very selfish. ever since we were younger she wanted the best and the very best only. i would watch with dazed eyes as she would rumor me into giving away my new things in exchange of her already used and battered one. i remember how she used to rumor _the sèance_ into stealing cosmetics for her and i remember how she would smirk as she rumors _the horror_ and _the kraken_ into giving up the fights that she is losing. _the rumour_ also used her powers on the boy alot, with her working her little voodoo into making _the boy_ do her homeworks.

 _the rumour_ grew up to be a manipulative person. i saw how she turned into this monster that rumored everything in her life. i watched as everybody flocked to her, her mouth muttering rumors under he breath. i watched as the rumour used her powers to ensnare _spaceboy_ into her orbit, watched as she climbed up their hierarchy by rumoring everyone else to yield. i watched as she made our father and pogo turn a blind eye into her misdoings and i can only feel horrified as i can do nothing but bend into her will as she work her magic into me

when _the boy_ ran away my father forced _the rumour_ to will _the boy_ into coming back to out house and for days _the rumour_ wasn't allowed to stop calling our brother back, with _the rumour_ only stopping when she collapsed in our parlor, her voice long gone and she was just mouthing the words over. when she failed into bringing _the boy_ back, our father then started making _the sèance_ go and conjure _the boy_ instead. that incident really messed up _the rumour_ , with her not being able to talk for two whole months, her deemed useless by our father. at that time i thought that it is our chance to start building to sisterhood that we never had and i can still remember the shame that i felt when _the rumour_ flat out rejected my attempts and her first words was to rumor me into never attempting to try rekindling our sisterhood ever again

since then, _the rumour_ became ruthless. she started using her powers for everything and her siblings became her entertainment instead. she would make us dance for her and laugh until we cried and give up spots in the house and i remember one time _the rumour_ told _the kraken_ to jump on the third floor and it ended up with _the horror_ and _spaceboy_ restraining _the kraken_ while _the sèance_ cursed at _the rumour_. we had to knock _the kraken_ out for her hold to cease. and that incident didn't stop there, she is the reason why _the sèance_ fell off our stairs when she rumored _the sèance_ to wear our mother's heels while walking down the stairs. she is also the reason why i have a huge scar on my shoulders from when she rumoured me to play until she said otherwise and i had to play for fourteen hours straight until my hand just slipped from exhaustion and my bow ended up cutting me open.

when _the horror_ got into his accident that took his life, _the rumour_ had to rumor his pains away, with her muttering her words every few hours when _the horror_ would writhe in pain. _the rumour_ slept on the night that _the horror_ died, finally sleeping after three days of her just awake rooms away from _the horror_. i believe that because she didn't rumor _the horror's_ pain that night is the reason why _the horror_ died. when _the sèance_ woke all of us that night, _the rumour_ was sobbing so hard that she couldn't even rumor _the sèance_ to be calm. as the following days went by, i saw how _the rumour_ made calls after calls after calls with our telephone near the parlor and i guess that is the reason why she is brave enough to move out three weeks later. 

when _the sèance_ ran away, nobody made efforts to find him and i only saw _the rumour_ trying to will _the sèance_ back home once before she gave up completely. _the rumour_ used her powers on my father the day we moved out, with her telling our father to let us escape his claws and i think she is the reason why our father didn't go and try to herd us back to our house. 

i would've been proud on what _the rumour_ has achieved for the past years if i hadn't heard her making those calls years ago, where i can only eavesdrop as she rumored agencies into letting her audition and rumor managers into seriously consider managing her. i think that _the rumour_ built her career with her poisonous powers. if she is still the sister that i know, i wouldn't be surprised if she just rumored her career to life and it wouldn't shock me if she also used her powers to her husband. 

_the rumour_ has no moral compass and our father let her use her powers in the most horrifying ways thus leading her to mold her world into her liking, never even struggling once. she manipulated everybody near her, and i don't think she ever stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cried seven times before finishing this chapter and now i want to sleep for three years. 
> 
> come yell at me on tumblr @bennybentacles


	5. 00.04: the sèance

  
0.004, _the sèance_ , my brother klaus. ever since _the sèance_ was a child, he is very rumbustious. he spent his childhood with seemingly one goal, and that is to ruin our lives. he spent days and nights screaming in his room, loudly thumping on the thin wall separating his room and mine. he sleeps in the bedroom next to mine and it is a normal occurence for me to wake up because he is causing a racket in the middle of the night.  
  
_the sèance_ is also a flamboyant child. ever since we were younger he broke gender norms, he is often sporting _the rumour_ and my own clothes. he started painting his nails when _the rumour_ started doing hers, and when _the rumour_ tried makeup, _the sèance_ was never seen without kohl lining his eyes. our father never minded how _the sèance_ is dressing up himself, i guess he is never against it but my father hated _the sèance's_ attitude

our father tried reprimanding _the sèance_ on multiple occasions. he reprimanded _the sèance_ in front of everybody, throwing harsh words but our brother just spat them back to our father. on other occasions our father pulled _the sèance_ our of our sight and we can only wonder what our father did to reprimand him on those times. sometimes that method works for a few days before _the sèance_ will wreck havoc once more, outdoing himself everytime. 

_the sèance_ is very vocal on how he despises his powers in and out of our house. he has stated in multiple interviews that he gave as a child on how he wishes to lose his powers, seemingly not knowing that he hurts me in the process. if i can take his powers for a day so that he would know how awful it is to be powerless in this house i would've done it. but alas, i cannot and i had to listen to him whine about his gifts from the day he had them until the day he ran away.

when _the sèance_ reached ten, he started stealing alcohol from our fathers liquor cabinet. our father has beaten him black and blue when he has found out what _the sèance_ is doing but my brother only laughed at the duration of my fathers beating. that night, i know he still snuck out to drink our fathers liquor. when he started drinking, i started sleeping through the night. i guess the liquor knocked him out everytime that he didn't have the time to cause his nightly commotion and i could sleep the night away. 

when _the sèance_ was eleven he started broadening his choices. gone were the night when i can only smell liquor from him, he has started smoking too. i had to breath in the smoke he pushes out of his lungs because my room is closest to his. my clothes started smelling like cigarettes too as if i also started smoking. i didn't hate the cigarettes as much as i hate the alcohol. i guess _the sèance_ was the reason why i also started smoking cigarette at fifteen after i saw his left over cigarette laying around the house and tried it.

 _the sèance_ broke his jaw when he was twelve after he fell from the top of the stairs while he was wearing our mothers heels. those eight weeks when his jaw was wired shut were the most peaceful weeks of the academy. he was still jittery on those weeks, still took the center of the attention despite not being able to talk. he was on hard painkillers at that time, his eyes always droopy and gaze never staying still. maybe thats when he started getting addicted to drugs.

by the time that _the sèance_ was thirteen he was rolling joints under the table. i know that he shares his drugs with _the horror_ , both of them always out of their minds at night time. unlike _the horror_ who never got too high that he couldn't function, _the sèance_ spent his days high out of his mind. it seems like he doesn't care about anything but his addiction anymore. he was even high the day _the boy_ ran away

even though the sèance was always high, i know that when _the horror_ died _the sèance_ was sober for two weeks after our father flushed all his stashes into the drain. i remember that fateful day, _the sèance_ screaming for help, him pushing our fathers ginormous vases and breaking them in the process because _spaceboy_ wouldn't be able to take _the horror_ into the medical wing otherwise. i remember _the sèance_ not leaving _the horror's_ side, i remember _the sèance_ talking to _the horror_ on that day where he was conscious. and i remember how _the sèance_ screamed when _the horror_ died, his haunting wails echoing throughout the mansion, forever etching in my memory.

 _the sèance_ never let us grieve _the horror_ , spat out curses at anyone who tried to show their respect. he spent days drunk and high of his mind sleeping on top of _the horror's_ grave. he wept everyday, his cries filling our ears, resulting in an eerie noise in the middle of the night. two weeks after _the horror's_ death, _the sèance_ ran away, not even seeing _the horror's_ statue that replaced the grave that he had.

 _the sèance_ never listened to anybody, always off to do his own thing. he killed himself slowly, looking like a ghost as days passed by. it is a shame that he has this wonderful powers that he never used and its a shame that he turned out the way he did. _the sèance_ was never a sèance and i don't think he ever plans on becoming who he is supposed to be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me remind everybody that this book is written in vanya's pov and thus only shows what she remembers and how she remembers it.


	6. 00.05: the boy

00.05, _the boy_ , my brother five. _the boy_ ran away at a very young age, thinking that he is strong enough and mature enough to survive the outside world, and i am not going to seat here claiming that our brother may be still alive out there because the last time anybody saw him he was running out of our dining room and never again.

 _the boy_ was a very confident child. growing up he held himself with a sense of imperiousness, always with his nose tilted upwards and smirk so condescending. _the boy_ is a lot of things but gentle isn't one of the words i will describe him as, he was harsh and blunt, words cutting and tone bringing people down because he knows that he is the smartest amongst us. he used his wit to his favor, wielding his knowledge. weaponizing it against everybody. 

_the boy_ never tolerated my siblings foolishness, always hissing out insults to anybody who didn't stand straight and talked with a mature tone. because of this fact, _the boy_ was never really close with t _he sèance_ , with _the boy_ spilling out venoms on his thoughts about the way _the sèance_ is becoming, resulting in their relationship to rot long before it bloomed. _the boy_ also talked to _spaceboy_ and _the kraken_ with disdain because _the boy_ viewed _the kraken_ and _spaceboy_ as his competition to to our father's approval. _the boy_ never really told anyone on what he thinks about _the rumour_ and the way she used him to cheat her homeworks away and we never had the time to ask him, as he got lost really young.

unlike with almost all of our siblings. _the boy_ liked _the horror_. maybe because of how their intelligence are on par or maybe because _the horror_ is timid and mature enough that he isn't irritating unlike any of our siblings. _the boy_ and _the horror_ spent hours poring over textbooks, solving equations only the two of them can understands and they also used to trade books, both of them becoming giddy when they have a new one. 

_the boy_ was the only one who befriended me, i don't know if its because he want to really get to know me or because he pities me. either way, i appreciate the gesture and i think he may be the only reason why my early years at the academy isn't as awful as it was the following years of his passing. _the boy_ used to sneak away from his trainings to listen to me play on my violin and he used to sneak into my room at night to give me half of the sandwiches that he made. _the boy_ was also the one who used to arrage our weekly sneaking out to the donut place near the academy. every weekend, we would sneak out to eat donuts in midnight and afterwards, he always had to zap in six people into the academy. when _the boy_ ran away, we never sneaked out anymore, or maybe they did and they just never thought of inviting me.

 _the boy_ had the most control over his powers when we were children. i remember how he used to teleport absolutely everywhere. he would teleport to go up to the counters and our mother used to scold him everytime. he would also teleport whenever we played hide and seek during our thirty minute playtime and everybody used to get absolutely mad about it. _the boy_ also used to do it on their trainings, he would teleport in front of everybody whenever they raced and our father never called him out on it, even calling it 'adapting'.

the day that _the boy_ ran away started out really, really normal. we went to breakfast that day and i think our mother served us eggs and toast that day or i may be wrong but nevertheless, it started normal with _the sèance_ rolling joint while facing away from our father, _the horror_ reading a book, _the kraken_ carving our our table and _the rumour_ and _spaceboy_ flirting. _the boy_ suddenly snapped at our father, claiming he can timetravel while our father argued that timetravel is not possible yet. they argued that day, the same argument that ran throughout the household for the past months, and i remember that _the boy_ looked at me and i remember shaking my head, telling him to drop the subject silently but _the boy_ never really listened. all i can remember is how he ran from the dining room, shocking everybody and how our father let him run far. i wish i would've shaken my head harder that day, just to get him to understand. or better yet, i wish that _the sèance_ told him it was a good idea just so he would do the opposite.

two weeks after _the boy_ ran away, our father has hang up the ridiculous portrait of _the boy_ on our mantle, somehow painting him more arrogant and cold than he is in real life. weeks after _the boy_ ran away, the umbrella academy got called in a mission that almost killed _the rumour_ and _the sèance_ and i remember hearing our father told everyone that if _the boy_ hadn't ran away, _the sèance_ and _the rumour_ may not be fighting for their lives. our father told my siblings that _the boy_ has left them for dead, that maybe that was _the boy's_ intention from the start. i hope that nobody blamed _the boy_ for that incident but knowing my siblings, one of them probably did.

i hope _the boy_ had been successful in his timetravel and he is somewhere in the future reading this, but that may not be the case. _the boy_ could've died years ago, lost after he botched his attempt or dead for just trying. _the boy_ has way too big of an ambition and everyday i hope that he is out there safe. and just bidding his time to show himself to us again. or if he really is dead then i hope _the boy_ has the peace he deserved. _the boy_ became lost in time, and im afraid we may never find him ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> was supposed to post this yesterday but i forgot so you have it here today. 
> 
> also side note, justin min posted this wonderful piece on tumblr and it made me feel like somebody broke me heart twice so thats that.
> 
> talk to me at tumblr @bennybentacles


	7. 00.06: the horror

00.06, _the horror_ , my brother ben. _the horror_ was a very timid kid growing up. he was very calm, never even screamed while we were playing as children. he also stuck close to our nannies and later on, to our mom. it is normal for us to seek our mom when we want to play with the _the horror_. as we grow older, _the horror_ started distancing himself, first to our mother, then our butler and our father then finally to us, his siblings. he made one exception though, he never distanced himself with _the sèance_

_the horror_ was the last one to show his powers, with the tentacles pouring out of his stomach while we were eating dinner. when _the horror's_ powers finally showed up, i felt hope. hope that i may even have a power, because if _the horror_ took seven years to show his maybe there is hope for mine. but i never showed any sign of powers and _the horror_ ended up the last of the super-powered children in our household

when _the horror's_ powers showed up our father quickly started training him. _the horror_ started complaining of the pain that he experiences, him often crying while curled into himself, his hands clutching his stomach. he had to stay into our medical wing because of that. because _the horror_ spends so much time in the medical wing he even had his own room in it. whenever _the horror_ is in the infirmary, _the sèance_ is also there. no matter how much our father punished him, _the sèance_ always go back to _the horror's_ side. after years our father just stopped trying to separate _the horror_ and _the sèance_

_the horror_ never cause a ruckus in our house. he spent his free times reading books absolutely everywhere. he left books at every corner of our house and i had spent my childhood and my teenage years tripping over the massive books laying on the floor. _the horror_ and _the boy_ used to trade books all the time, with both of them talking seriously about the books that they were trading amd i remember how _the horror_ always shout one spoiler whenever he was far enough from _the boy_ before he runs to the other direction

_the horror_ never slept in his room, i doubt that he even stepped a foot in it as it looked to plain and cold all the time. _the horror_ spend his nights the most at _the sèance's_ room, with them talking all night long, or if _the sèance_ is particularly chaotic _the horror_ sleeps on our library. he kept his clothes on the cupboard in our hallways, he shares _the kraken's_ shoe cabinet, and i think he kept his toiletries in _the rumour's_ room and his books at _the sèance's_ room. it made no sense to me because his room is the most spacious room in our household and it is a shame that he never used it.

_the horror_ hated his powers. unlike _the sèance_ he never spoke it out, he always kept a brave facade for the others. on the nights that _the horror_ spends the night at _the sèance's_ room, because of the thin walk separating the walls i cannot avoid eavesdropping snippets of their conversations. _the horror_ has claimed on multiple times throughout the years that he hates his powers too, a secret that _the sèance_ kept and a secret that _the horror_ took to the grave.

_the horror_ was seventeen when he died. i remember that day, we had just finished having breakfast and at our way to the study room when the mission alarm rang. _the horror_ asked for my help when he got his zipper stuck once more, an occurence that happened too often. after that, _the horror_ went to _the sèance's_ room and they bickered all the way to the foyer. i remember that both of them had passed me on the hallway and they bid me goodbye, with _the sèance_ smirking his arrogant smirk and _the horror_ grinning at me. i had wished them good luck

a few hours after they left _the sèance_ burst into the front door and i remember feeling stuck, my feet unable to walk and i can only stare in horror as i saw who was _spaceboy_ carrying. _the horror_ was in critical condition. a day before he died he gained consciousness and we spent an hour talking to him, with him joking with us even .eventually we left _the sèance_ and _the horror_ alone, gave them privacy and they spent hours talking to each other. we were awakened on the night of _the horror's_ death by the anguished wails of _the sèance_. _the horror_ had died, with our mother trying to revive him four times before he was declared dead. we watched as _the sèance_ cried hugging _the horror's_ body.

_the horror_ was the best of us and his death was the final straw. we fought daily ever since he died _. the sèance_ became out of control, even stating that he can see _the horror_ and as much as i would love it to be true, _the sèance_ was never sober ever since _the horror_ died. two weeks after _the horror's_ death, _the sèance_ ran away and a week after that we were awoken to see _the horror's_ bronze statue on the courtyard, forever residing in our house. _the kraken_ , _the rumour_ and i had moved out a week after that as we cannot stand to live in a house that reminded us of our dead brother.

i hope _the horror_ has found his peace in the after life, a peace he craved for ever since the tentacles first burst into his body

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i only have four chapters that i have to write so good luck to me


	8. 00.07

00.07, my name is vanya hargreeves. ever since i was a child i am shun out of out family. my whole life all i can clearly remember was the never ending loneliness. since i was the odd one in our family, our father was specially harsh to me, as if it is my fault that i am not like my other siblings and i should be punished for it. 

i had a very tough childhood. growing up in a place where everyone belittled me, my confidence never really developed. all my life everybody that i have ever known had cast me aside, left me alone to lose my mind in a big, old house with nobody but my thoughts for my company. i have spent hours upon hours as a child talking to my walls because the only alternative was talking to the air because nobody ever tried to even acknowledge my existence. my father even went as far as claiming that he only got six of the miracle babies, erasing me completely. nobody would've known i even existed if not for _the sèance's_ slip up during one of their interview.

being a child surrounded by my siblings but never really included in anything made me feel awful all the time, even years after i have resigned myself to the fact. i grew uo watching from the sidelines as my siblings bonded over their experiences while i was left alone, not knowing where i would fit in. turns out i will never fit in, for i will become a random piece in our household, cast aside after our father deemed me useless for being ordinary.

when we got older my siblings rebelled against my father, but it seems like _the boy_ was the only one who remember i exist. _the boy_ was the only one who showed interest in my hobbies and my dreams, with him even defending me against our siblings and our father even though he knows he may end up getting punished for skipping trainings and lessons. i still cherish the moments where _the boy_ forced my siblings to include me on our weekly sneaking out, with all of us far enough from the academy that even _spaceboy_ relaxed and _the kraken_ is comfortable enough to crack up jokes and _the sèance_ could go on for hours without smoking blunt. i remember how my anxiety would uncoil once we are far enough that we couldn't see the academy, and those times i think on how messed up we must really be to feel relaxed so far away from our home in the middle of the night.

i started playing violin when i was six years old after i asked our father if i could have his vintage ornate violin and he told me to take it. i spent hours, days, weeks and months with our mother with her painstakingly teaching me how to play. our mother never got tired of teaching me how to properly play, even if there were days where i just cried from frustration and from the pain in my fingertips. i remember the early days where i just hacked through my violin the whole day that resulted in many complaints from my siblings about the awful sound coming from my bedroom.

i spent years perfecting my craft. because i had nothing else to do, i spent at least a decade playing violin everyday for at least eight hours each, just so i will forget how lonely i really am. my plan never really worked because whenever i play i am only reminded on how alone i truly am. i spent hours playing on our parlor, making haunting melodies while my siblings were out here fighting or training and i was never allowed to join. i spent my childhood poring over music sheets, memorizing pieces so that maybe one day my siblings would watch me play and i wont disappoint them. _the boy_ was the only one who sat down to listen to me play

when _the boy_ ran away, i was totally shut off from my siblings. since _the boy_ was the only one who tried connecting to me and he went away, nobody bothered updating me for anything. _the boy's_ absence may have created a rift through my siblings relationship and team work but for me, it completely tore me apart. _the boy_ is the only reason why my siblings included me and with him gone, i was totally alone. i only saw my siblings whenever we crossed paths in hallways and even then they wont even acknowledge me most of the time, with them only glancing at me or if i am lucky enough a rare smile was thrown in my way. but thats the only thing i received from my siblings as no one talked to me unless they needed something from me. as much as i try to fool myself into thinking that the fact no one tried to even comfort me never really bothered me, i can't help but to feel really sad and hurt.

that continued on for years, just me and my mind withering away as time goes by. it all changed when _the horror_ died. i remember the night before _the horror_ got into his accident, he slept at _the sèance's_ room at night resulting in me hearing how they talked about running away and never looking back, just the three of them, _the kraken_ , _the sèance_ and _the horror_. the planned on going away. they were supposed to leave a week after his death, they had it all laid out. i wish they succeeded, wish they left everybody, even me for that will mean that _the horror_ would've still be alive and _the sèance_ could've even gotten sober because he is far enough from the academy and _the kraken_ could've started healing his traumas but fate was never on our side.

the next morning, _the horror_ told me their plans and they even asked me to come with them if i want to. _the horror_ said i don't have to stay with them if i don't want to and just to run away with them just to get as far away as we could and hide from our father. i said yes. then the mission alarm blared and i remember the rush as they got ready, and i remember thinking about the fact that i would finally be free from our father claws. i remember _the horror_ asking for my help and i remember _the horror's_ grin and _the sèance's_ smirk and i remember how _the kraken_ nodded in my direction and for the first time in a very long time i felt hope.

but all hope diminished away when just later that day _the horror_ was rushed into our home, him in _spaceboy's_ arms as _the sèance_ made way. i knew that day that whatever may happen, i know we won't be getting out of that house with _the horror_. i knew at that moment that even if _the horror_ survives we won't continue on with our plans. and i knew that if he died, everything will come crashing down, our fragile relationships will just break and turn into dust. and i was right because when _the horror_ died the whole household broke. gone were the days where fights could've ended before it got messy, gone were the days where we didn't hear a single person blaming just about everybody for _the horror's_ death.

_the sèance_ stopped caring about anything but himself, even claiming to see _the horror_ despite the fact that he is as high as a kite. _the kraken_ started looking at me with loathing again and _spaceboy_ and _the rumour_ never really cared about me and they didn't start caring at all, in fact the both of them refused to even acknowledge me.

_the horror's_ statue was the last straw for me because one day i just woke up with my brother forever immortalized in his young face. it made me think about the fact that i will never see _the horror_ grow up, that no matter how hard i try to imagine, i wouldn't be able to picture how _the horror_ would've look at his older years. that day _the kraken_ cursed our father and _the rumour_ used her powers just so he would let us leave our house.

i packed everything i owned that night, which is not much apparently, and i remember how i stood up on our dark hallway with one hand holding my bag containing everything i ever owned and my other hand clutching my violin. i remember how i walked out of our house, never intending to go back ever again. i remember stopping by our mother and saying my goodbye to her and how she told me to stay safe and i remember stopping by _the boy's_ portrait and finally saying my farewell and apologizing because i won't go back at the academy anymore and i won't be able to make him sandwiches every night anymore and i won't be there to turn on his lights for him. i remember whispering me farewell for _the horror_ , hoping that the air could carry out my message. and i remember how i stepped out of the academy and feeling the same feeling that i always felt whenever we snuck out. i felt free

i went far, even going out of state just so that i could distance myself as far as i could to the academy. i studied and i tried my best but the moment i graduated i went back to my hometown. i got in the orchestra and i teach kids how to play violin, just as how my mother taught me. i went as far as finding an apartment far enough that i wont see the academy when i looked at the window, a hard task considering on how obnoxiously huge the academy is. even if the place i live in is not the safest place on earth, i feel more safe in my home than i ever did at the academy

i grew up with my hopes crushed and not even allowed for it to bloom. i spent all my life being told in how ordinary i am, and now that i think about it maybe being ordinary isn't to bad after all because i grew up with six powerful children and they did nothing but to bring me down. maybe being me isn't so awful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the longest chapter that i have ever written and im kinda shocked. also i thought vanya and allison are the hardest to write but i started writing reginald two days ago and im still not finished so


	9. Reginald Hargreeves

reginald hargreeves, our father. our father never cared about us, not for his prodigal son _spaceboy_ and definitely not for his disappointment child _the sèance_ and his ordinary child. our father looked at all of us as if we are dirt under his shoes, as if we chose to cling to him and not that he bought us because he is an old, influential, white man with millions in his pockets and too much time in his hands.

ever since we were children our father has looked at us as if we are nothing but experiments to him. he controlled every aspect of our life, from our food up to the way we dress. our father only allowed us to wear our academy uniform and our sleepwear and nothing else. our father also controlled the knowledge that we are allowed to learn, only letting us know things that would benefit his narrative and nothing else, we didn't even have a television in our house and the only moving picture that we ever saw as a child is the self defense videos pogo used to make us watch when we were five. despite our fathers best effort, some of my siblings had managed to get behind his back and sneaked in a television and i remember how we set it up on one of the bathrooms and they used to bring in vhs with subtitles because we can't really use the volume or else our father would know. i think i am the one who used it the most, with all my free time with no one to talk to

our father observed our every move, always looking at us with his monocled eye. our father even went as far as installing security cameras on our room and even recording our vital signs when we slept, a fact that i only knew when i accidentally woke up one night with wire stuck to my hands and head. i had never felt more afraid to sleep again.

our father required us to stack up obnoxious amount of knowledge towards a variety of topics that resulted with all of us having the most random knowledge at the vaguest topics that includes _spaceboy_ knowing different fossil and bones structure, _the kraken_ and his knowledge about japanese dynasties. because of this fact _the rumour_ also chose to become fluent in as many languages as she can manage and i think when we all parted ways she is fluent in five languages. _the sèance_ has an obnoxious amount of knowledge about old gods and he can read ancient texts and even heiroglypics while _the boy_ chose to stack up his knowledge about mathematics and quantum physics. _the horror_ chose to learn about world history and i have spent a lot of time listening to him tell _the sèance_ facts about dead presidents.

our father never really specified on what topics we should learn about and because of this loophole i have decided that i wanted to learn how to play instruments. after all, it was on the list of the topics our mother knows and therefore could teach us. our father already had a grand piano and his ornate violin and i figured out it wouldn't hurt to learn. when i had asked our father if i could have his violin since that is the topic i have chosen to focus on he didn't even glanced back at me when he told me to take his violin and never ever return it.

our father required all of us to stay fit throughout the years but unlike my siblings who had to exercise daily, i am only required to maintain my weight and run fast enough so that if i am abducted i could outrun my kidnappers. because i am not required to spend time working and our father is too busy with training my siblings i pretty much had all the time in my hands, a fact that resulted in me staying in my room for hours hacking my violin because i had nothing else to do. 

when _the boy_ ran away our father didn't even bat an eye, only pause for a minute before continuing on with his breakfast. later that day our father forced _the rumour_ to will the boy back into our home, forced her to continue even as her voice broke, even as she spat out blood, even when she completely lost her voice and our father only looked at her in disappointment when she had lost consciousness. that day i realized how little our father cared for us, when he didn't even let any of us leave the mansion to go look for _the boy_ , who could've been scared all alone in the big harsh world.

after our father forced _the rumour_ until she broke, our father then forced _the sèance_ , who he had somehow managed to force into sobriety and the weeks that went after that are the most chaotic weeks of the academy. our father told _the sèance_ to contact _the boy_ and _the sèance_ had cause havoc in return, with both of them having screaming matches that lasted hour and only ended when our father finally backhanded _the sèance_ , sometimes even with his cane. _the sèance_ will then spend hours in front of his ouija board, his legs tucked after him, his bruised face set in grim concentration while our father loomed behind him. our father has never been more furious with _the sèance_ when weeks after _the boy_ ran away _the sèance_ refused to try and contact _the boy_ ever again.

after _the boy_ ran away our father has became more cruel, as if _the boy's_ decision are their fault. our father doubled their training time just to make up for the big hole that _the boy's_ absence left. our father also started punishing me for the smallest mistakes i have made in school work, as if it is my fault that i am not as smart as _the boy_ , and i will never be as smart as _the boy_. it seemed as if with _the boy's_ disappearance he took our fathers last mask with him, resulting in us seeing our father for what he truly is, a devil in disguise

i watched as our father slowly broke everybody in our house, from his prodigal son _spaceboy_ to his disappointment son _the sèance_ and his ordinary child. our father carved our inside and left us hallowed out, empty and cold from the inside. our father pointed out each and every mistakes we have ever made, pitted my sibling unto each other, made us break our siblings by any means possible. i didn't want to start pointing out my siblings flaws so i just shut myself out more that i ever did, because the alternative is too barbaric for me

when _the horror_ went back from his last mission, our father had lined up all of my siblings, all of them still in their uniform with _the horror's_ blood still in their hand, and our father took his time to point out their mistakes on that mission, told them that it is their fault that _the horror_ may die. our father told everybody in that room that the main reason why _the horror_ had his accident is because of _the rumour_ and _the kraken_ , with _the rumour_ not rumoring the criminals fast enough and _the kraken_ not backing up _the horror_. i think to this day _the rumour_ and _the kraken_ still blamed theirselves for _the horror's_ death.

_the rumour_ had to use her powers on our father so that we could leave the house that trapped us all. no matter how much _the rumour_ tried to persuade _spaceboy_ , our father has poisoned him with too much lies that he chose to stay with our father. i believe our father still sent _spaceboy_ into his missions even after everybody else as retired from being a superhero. our father didn't seem to care for any of his children's safety and he didn't plan on starting to care even after had had already lost two of them

our father is a very cruel man who only loved himself and nobody else. when i was young i thought he must've loved us but as years passed by i realized he never did. he had ruined all of our lives and i don't think he even thought of us as anything but experiments. our father had lived his life surrounded by taxidermied animals and children that are dead on the inside, all of them killed with his own hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had to add tags bc of this chapter so yay for that. also reginald hargreeves is an awful person and writing him is so exhausting?!???!!?


	10. Pogo

Pogo, our father's right hand man. pogo is a fixed figure in our life, as he was already residing our house even before we were born. our father trusted pogo with a lit of responsibility, from picking our our nannies to handling our father's business. 

pogo is more of a parental figure in our life than our father was. pogo was the one who discovered and identified my siblings' superpowers, maybe its because he spent ta lot of time playing with us and taking care of us since we were toddlers. pogo was also the one who taught us most of the basic life skills we have like walking and talking and later on even cooking and cleaning our own rooms. pogo couldn't walk very well so he had to use a cane ever since we were little kids and i have realized that hearing his cane thumping down the hall made me feel safe even as a child.

as we grow older and we started requiring to attend lessons pogo was the one who became our teacher, adding that to his never ending list of responsibility. pogo tried to make the lessons fun but as there are only seven of us and we tended to have the shortest attention span pogo almost always ended up scolding all of us and making the lessons a tad bit uncomfortable in the end, with him struggling to control his anger and us feeling guilty. pogo encouraged us to learn whatever our minds wanted to latch on and this had resulted in him smuggling forbidden lessons to our class like the art class that we had for a whole year because all of us wanted to learn how to paint or in _the sèance's_ case, sculpt and that lesson only ended when our father has known about it.

pogo tried to make us feel like children, with him letting us play in the class as ling as it doesn't disrupt the class, which unfortunately is an almost impossible fest with _the kraken_ and _the horror_ somehow always managed to disturb our lessons. pogo had also found out about the television that we my siblings had smuggled in and to this day i still wonder why he hadn't told our father about it, and he even smuggled in a few vhs in so that we wouldn't watch the same videos all over again. i believe that pogo also knew about the times that we used to sneak our for donuts and the forbidden sleepovers that _the sèance_ and _the horror_ had because he is the one that manned the security room and somehow our father has never knew of our activities.

as we grew older, my siblings required trainings and pogo never really assisted our father in those and that resulted in pogo having a lot of free time and since i also had a lot of free time, pogo and i talked a lot. pogo has been my source of a lot of news that i had of my siblings and their well being up to this date. i feel as if pogo only talked to me because he knew how lonely i was and he must've felt as if it is his responsibility to fix that issue, just as how he fixed everything else in our house. i will admit that having him to talk to brought me a lot of comfort, and even if he only wanted to fix the problem that he saw he really helped me.

when _the boy_ ran away, our father didn't allow pogo to come looking for him and pogo never tried to defy our father. i remember how pogo looked at _the rumour_ while our father has forced her into using her powers until she couldn't use it anymore and pogo can only stand on the side and do nothing because he is powerless against our father. i remember how pogo used to patch up _the sèance_ whenever he fought back to our father to the point that our father used violence against him and i remember pogo telling _the sèance_ to just obey our father so that he wont get hurt anymore. i wish _the sèance_ listened to pogo more because it seems as if pogo knew the best course of action.

pogo spent nights consoling all of us whenever we cried from the harshness of our father and i still treasure the hugs that i received from him because growing up we didn't get a lot of physical affection and every hug that i received never really left my mind, a secret treasure inside my head. pogo has spent hours telling all of us that everything would be better, that _the boy_ would come back home and for the first time i felt as if pogo was lying because nothing was ever fine and _the boy_ never really came back

pogo and our mother were the one who tried to save _the horror_ , with both of them spending hours trying desperately to make sure _the horror_ makes it. pogo was the one who convinced our father to let _the rumour_ use her powers to ease _the horror_ from the pain he must've felt because the painkillers weren't doing much to him. pogo had spent hours sitting by _the horror's_ side and comforting _the sèance_ , and i have heard pogo begging _the horror_ to fight for his life because he doesn't think _the horror_ would make it through the week. 

pogo was right, _the horror_ didn't make it through the week, with him dying two days after his accident. when our mother declared _the horror's_ death, i saw pogo cry for the first time. pogo has been the one who arranged for _the horror's_ funeral and i remember how he cried while filling up _the horror's_ death certificate, a moment that i had to witness because our father required me to help pogo with the arrangements. i had to pick _the horror's_ casket because pogo has told me he couldn't bear to pick as casket for _the horror_ , who he treated as his son his whole life.

when _the horror's_ statue was put on our courtyard, i remember pogo telling our father that it may be to early dor it because we are still mourning but our father only brushed hin aside and that had been the end of the conversation. pogo didn't stop _the kraken_ when he started cursing our father and he also didn't try to stop _the rumour_ when she started rumoring our father. perhaps because he was to shocked about the turn of the event or maybe because he wanted us to escape our father's clutches

my only regret when i moved out of the house is that i never had the chance to bid my farewell to pogo, to the one that helped me cope in our house that felt more of a prison and the one that felt more of a father than our own father. i hoped he could've run away from our father too, wished that pogo and our mother could've left our father all alone but sadly they couldn't leave our home, with _spaceboy_ still being there.

pogo treated all of us as his own children and the demise of two of his children affected him more than it ever affected our father. i wished that pogo could've been our father instead, then maybe _the boy_ wouldn't have run away and _the horror_ wouldn't have died and i wouldn't be pushed away all my life. pogo did all that he can to make our life less miserable, and sadly he can't do that much because like all of us, our father controlled his every move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look if any part of it hinted that pogo is a fucking monkey pls tell me bc i struggled so hard for it not to sound like he's a monkey. .
> 
> also let me remind everyone that the book is in vanya's pov and i am in no way saying that pogo is a good character. he is an abuse enabler and i really struggled to paint him in a way that vanya sees him as.


	11. Grace Hargreeves

Grace Hargreeves, our mother. our mother did everything for us. she made us feel loved in a house that didn't allow emotions to grow, made us feel safe in a place full of threats and she made us feel alive in the place that slowly killed all of us. 

our mother did everything for us, from making our bed to bandaging our wounds. our mother is very caring, always offering quick hugs and a kiss on our foreheads whenever our father wasn't looking, because i know if our father knew that our mother has been giving us affections our mother will be in a very big trouble. because of this fact, all of us has learnt to treasure every bit of affection that our mother had managed to sneak in, from the cute arrangements of our breakfast food to the tight hugs that she gave whenever anyone of us had managed to see her on the hallway

_the kraken_ was the closest to our mother. _the kraken_ spent almost all of his free times helping our mother with her every task despite our mother telling _the kraken_ that he should've spent his free times playing with all of us. _the kraken_ always listened to our mother and everytime our mother tried to reinforce some rules that we weren't obeying _the kraken_ would threaten us, saying that we should listen to our mother if we didn't want to get stabbed. on nights, our mother had to bid _the kraken_ goodnight the last because _the kraken_ always hogged our mother, pulling every tricks that he had for our mother to give him longer hugs and kiss his forehead twice. our mother would always give _the kraken's_ little request and when our mother noticed that she spent the most time saying goodnight to _the kraken_ they came into a compromise

our mother did a lot of things for the house. she did the cleaning, the cooking and she also helped all of us get ready for the day. until today it still amazes me whenever i think of the fact that she used to do her chores and more in her high heels and not once did she ever lose her balance. our mother is very graceful, her name truly fitting her. our mother always wore her dresses and her high heels that always made the most comforting sound against our floorboards, signalling that she is the one who is checking on all of us and not our father. 

our mother is also very smart, she knew a lot of topics and because of this when we were required to learn various topics she started tutoring us. i remember how she would enter our classroom and how a smile would always be placed on her red lips, as if she wont spend the next few hours teaching us even though we don't have the motivation to learn. our mother never got mad at us when we didn't get her lessons quickly and she would always adjust her teaching methods instead of forcing us to learn with the methods that clearly won't work for us. 

when _the boy_ ran away, our mother argued with our father and told him that he should call authorities because her son is missing yet no matter how much our mother tried to tell our father to alert people of his missing kid, our father never yielded and i remember how our mother, in the following days, failed to remember that _the boy_ never came back. she used to call _the boy_ for dinners and she used to arrange food for _the boy_ and she only stopped once pogo talked to her. i do not know what they have talked about but after that, our mother stopped calling for _the boy_

our mother tried to stop _the sèance_ from diving deep into his addiction and there are times where she had managed to coax _the sèance_ into sobriety, a feat that only she had achieved. our mother used to hug _the sèance_ through his withdrawal, never seeming to give up on _the sèance_ despite the fact that everybody else did. our mother always welcomed _the sèance_ with her open arms even when _the sèance_ broke his promise to our mother once again and got high and i think if our mother didn't coddle the sèance maybe he would've eventually stopped using .

our mother taught me how to play violin. we used to spend hours together poring over music sheets and i remember how she would always correct my every mistake and not even once did i feel stupid when she was teaching me. when i got too frustrated with my lessons and i would cry and ask to stop she never told me to stop crying and continue to play, which i know is what my father would've done if he was the one who was teaching me and to this day i am thankful that my mother is patient enough that she never gave up on me.

when _the horror_ got into his accident, our mother and pogo did everything to save him and i remember how our mother pulled us all aside and calmly told us that we deserved to know the truth and told us that _the horror_ has a slim chance of surviving and we should brace ourselves for every possible outcome. i felt thankful for our mother for telling us the truth instead of lying about _the horror's_ condition and making us hope. when _the horror_ died, our mother was the one who had tried to revive him and i remember how our mother tried to process that one of her child died again and i remember how _the kraken_ hugged our mother, seeking for comfort.

our mother couldn't arrange _the horror's_ funeral because she had to console everybody and try to make _the sèance_ sober for _the horror's_ funeral, and sadly no matter how hard my mother tried she hadn't managed to be successful that time. our mother stood on the side when our father turned his eulogy for _the horror_ into another lecture for everybody. and i remember on how she had to usher us inside after we are left alone on our courtyard, all of us receiving a hug from our mother and yet somehow that hug didn't manage to bring warmth into my soul

when _the sèanc_ e ran away i heard my mother saying that she wish that _the sèance_ would be safe our there. weeks later our mother took one look at _the horror's_ statue and went back into our home, a clear sign of her hate towards the monument that our father built. when i packed my bags and went to our mother to bid my farewell i remember our mother telling me to stay safe and to never return because she fears if i return our father may not let me our of the mansion ever again. i hoped i could've ran away with our mother and lived a normal life with her finally being free from our father but sadly we couldn't because _spaceboy_ stayed and our mother refused to leave him no matter how much _the kraken_ and i begged her to leave.

i have never seen my mother again and her last memory that i have of her was her trying to keep my safe. i wish i can see my mother again, and everyday i hope that she stayed well so that we can meet once more. our mother did everything for us, loved us so badly and it is a shame that she can only do so much to protect us from our father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so we are one chapter away from finishing this book and honestly im shocked that i wrote something this long and didnt stop midway. 
> 
> if i ever hinted that grace is not a human pls come and shout at me so i can fix them.


	12. Epilouge: The Academy

The Umbrella Academy, our home. the academy never truly felt like a home, with its halls filled with dead animals with their beaded eyes that seemed to track our every move and the vases that littered through our home, some of them even more expensive than we are. 

ever since we were little children our family name has weighed us down, with our fathers legacy looming behind our back. unlike my siblings who had their legacy set for them, i had struggled all my life to make myself worthy of our family name. i had spent decades trying to reach our fathers impossible expectation. our family name became a threat rather than a trophy for me, with my name known to the world yet unlike everybody else, i have brought nothing into the table

the academy started operating when we were three, when _the kraken_ showed his powers and our father decided to train him to hone his powers better. ever since then our house felt more of a boarding school than anything else, with its posters on the walls teaching everybody how to defend ourselves and the fact that ever since we were three we had to wear our uniforms.

i had watched in the side as the academy started to mold my siblings into the lifeless monsters that they have became, with them turning more grey and viscous as days passes by. i wish i had the same feral instinct that they had, then maybe i could've bit back to their taunts that have haunted me for the last decade.

i am not allowed to participate in half of the academy's curriculum which is my siblings' training for their superpower but i was tasked to observe them from the side. because of this i had to watch as my siblings slowly hallowed out while i jotted out their mistakes and lousiness. i had tried to lie about their weaknesses for the fear that my father would punish then but in return our father only punished me and never again did i try that stunt again, afraid that i would have to face harsher consequences

the academy was harsh to everybody, with its very existence killing us slowly, pointing out our mistakes and stripping away our childhood one by one. as we grew older we started to resent the academy, with _the sèance_ even blatantly calling the academy as 'torture chamber for dead kids' on one of his interviews as a teenager. our father was not very happy with _the sèance_ and his comment to the academy and thus t _he sèance_ got punished quite severely that time

the academy continued to run even after _the boy_ ran away, with its curriculum only adjusted to fit in with the remaining member of the academy. my siblings' training became longer and harsher after _the boy_ disappeared making our lessons shorter and shorter as days passed by. a year after _the boy_ left we practically didn't have a lesson anymore and this had meant that i had all the time with nothing else to do

since our father didn't always require me to observe my siblings i didn't know a lot about their training after _the boy_ left, their group trainings lessened as times went by and our father opted to individually train my siblings. the academy felt harsher after _the boy_ left, the air became to thick and filled with curiousness and taunts of who is going to follow _the boy_ and never ever return. my siblings stopped to really respect our family name after that, all except _spaceboy_ who still thought of the academy as our sacred home and our duty to our father. this fact had been the reason of hundreds of fights that had started in our house, all of them somehow ended up bloody, even fights that included me.

years later, _the horror_ died in the academy grounds with _the sèance's_ howls of anguish filling up the cold hallways. i could never forget on how the following days after _the horror_ died i remember hearing phantom voices, spent nights crying on my room as my mind tried to make me believe that _the boy_ and _the horror_ were really roaming the halls and laughing at nights, that _the boy_ really was outside my room begging to be let in and that _the horror_ was really calling my name and begging me to save him. i had spent days flinching because i thought that i had heard _the boy_ and _the horror_ on the academy's hallways

weeks later the academy became the home to _the horror's_ monument, with _the horror's_ statue residing of the heart of the academy, our courtyard. i remember the chaos that _the horror's_ statue brought into our home, with it being the final push that we needed to escape our father's clutches. the night that i had moved out i remember how i walked on the academy's halls one last time, my eyes roaming all over as if i had wanted to memorize the prison that had kept me for years with nobody but myself to talk to.

the academy is known for a lot of things, our family's legacy, the umbrella academy's home amd the hargreeves resident but what nobody knew is that the academy not what it seemed to be. it is our prison built by our own father where we are forced to grow up way to young and to hurt everybody inside or else be the one bleeding. what has been known to have produced the worlds first superhero was nothing more than a house that had abused and broken everyone inside its walls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and thats a wrap!!! i finally finished this which i honestly didnt expect to do this fast so yay for me!!!
> 
> come talk to me @bennybentacles on tumblr

**Author's Note:**

> talk to me on tumblr @bennybentacles bc i have no friends


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